Dating an INFJ? Here Are 12 Things You Need to Know

Only 1% to 3% of the population has the INFJ personality type, making it the rarest of all sixteen types.

INFJs tend to be deep and complex. They have strong principles that guide their lives and enjoy forming a few close friendships.

If you’re dating an INFJ, there are a few things you need to know. The following are twelve things that will help you love and understand the INFJ in your life.

1. They don’t do casual relationships.

It takes a lot of energy for an INFJ to get close to a person. Most introverts don’t like small talk, but INFJs take it a step further.

They prefer investing in relationships they know have a potential future. Unlike some other personality types, they aren’t likely to choose short-term relationships.

INFJs need to have deep connections with people to feel fulfilled. Those connections cannot be built overnight, so INFJs need someone willing to put in the hard work with them.

They tend to be loyal, even to a fault. While they’re willing to throw in the towel if things are truly awful, they don’t like entering a relationship if they don’t think there’s a chance it could work out.

2. They need a partner with depth.

INFJs care a lot about the world around them. As deep thinkers, they need a partner who is willing to dive into those depths with them.

While INFJs still enjoy worldly things, they don’t put all their worth into their worldly possessions.

They don’t want a partner who is overly obsessed with labels, money, and status. Shallow and materialistic people aren’t likely to stay in an INFJ’s good graces for long.

3. You should never lie to an INFJ.

You really shouldn’t lie to any partner, but lying to an INFJ is especially bad for your relationship.

They are sensitive, intuitive, and perspective. No matter how well you think you lie, INFJs have a special way of effortlessly seeing through lies.

When they catch you in lying, you severely damage the trust they had in you. They may react by cutting off the relationship or isolating themselves.

While outsiders may see this as anger, their reclusiveness is a mask for the deep betrayal they feel when a loved one lies to them.

4. INFJs struggle to open up.

Even if you’ve been with an INFJ for a while, don’t be surprised if they still struggle to open up to you.

Although their personality allows them to be engaging, they tend to hold their thoughts and feelings close to the chest.

For example, an INFJ may enjoy listening to their partner more than they enjoy talking about themselves. Even when they feel a lot of affection for another person, they may struggle to share their inner thoughts.

It takes intentional effort to create enough space for an INFJ to open up.

5. INFJs sometimes forget to take care of themselves.

This is true of any altruistic personality type. INFJs tend to think about how they can help others long before they think about their own needs.

Sometimes they end up spending so much time helping others that they forget to take care of the most basic needs.

If you’re an INFJ’s partner, you will often benefit from their generous and giving spirit. However, this generosity comes at a great personal cost (often without an INFJ realizing it). They may feel overextended and exhausted.

When their needs remain unmet, they may resent the people in their lives for not meeting those needs.

6. They don’t like initiating things.

You’re probably not going to be asked out by an INFJ. They tend to wait for others to take the initiative when it comes to relationships.

If you’re already in a relationship with an INFJ, you may have been the one to ask them out (regardless of gender).

This doesn’t mean they don’t care. Since INFJs struggle to initiate, they do well with partners who don’t mind putting time and energy into making plans.

Even though they aren’t likely to initiate a call or plan a date, they’re often ready to say “yes” when an offer comes their way.

7. INFJs don’t even understand INFJs.

INFJs are complex and mysterious.

While they spend a lot of time pondering their own thoughts and dwelling in their dreams, they don’t necessarily understand themselves perfectly. Sometimes the complexity of their emotions confuses them.

Because of this, INFJs tend to feel misunderstood by others. After all, if they can’t understand themselves, who can?

If you’re dating an INFJ, make room to discover new facets of your partner’s personality. Even after years of dating, you’ll still be learning about them!

8. INFJs aren’t into big public displays of affection.

Don’t be offended if your INFJ partner doesn’t want to have huge displays of public affection. They tend to prefer subtle public contact, such as hand-holding or brushes against the shoulder.

They aren’t usually the type to hug and kiss in public, no matter how strong their feelings.

It never hurts to have an open and honest conversation about PDA with your partner.

Find out what their preferences are and respect those boundaries. Your relationship will be better for it.

9. They’re always thinking about the future.

INFJs spend a lot of time dreaming about the future. While some personality types are focused on the past or the present, INFJs spend most of their time thinking about the future. They like to dream about the possibilities for the future.

This is true in their dating relationships, as well. No matter how long you’ve been dating, they’re thinking about the future of your relationship.

INFJs like dating someone they can see a future with. If they cannot see a future with you, they’ll withdraw from the relationship.

10. They don’t like to be pressured into social interactions.

Don’t ever pressure an INFJ to engage in social interactions. Introverts often struggle to be understood, since far too many extroverts don’t understand what it’s like to want alone time.

If you’re dating an INFJ, don’t pressure them to spend more time with friends or increase their social circle.

INFJs intentionally maintain a few close relationships. Anything beyond that can be extremely taxing for them.

If you continuously needle them into social interactions, they may not feel comfortable being themselves in your relationship.

11. They’re gifted listeners.

INFJs are great at listening, like most introverts. Most introverts are good at listening to others, but INFJs are particularly adept.

Instead of just listening to what you have to say, INFJs can empathize with you while you speak.

Sometimes their intuition will give them insight into your situation that you wouldn’t otherwise see. Whether you want to vent about your workday or talk through a sticky situation with a friend, your INFJ partner is willing to hear about everything on your mind.

12. They tend to spend a lot of time daydreaming.

There’s a meme where a man and a woman are in bed, and the woman is thinking that the man is thinking of other women. Meanwhile, the man is thinking about a long list of things… none of which are another woman!

INFJs spend a lot of time off in another world, but that doesn’t mean they are thinking of other people. They genuinely enjoy spending time thinking about all sorts of things.

It’s important to give them space for their minds to wander without fearing the worst.