Why INFJs Are So Misunderstood

There’s no denying it: INFJs are special. In fact, Reader’s Digest published an article about this rare personality type. INFJs aren’t just rare, but the rarest personality type. Only 1% to 3% of the population has this personality type.

Since they’re so rare, they’re misunderstood more often than most other personality types. The following are ten reasons why INFJs are so misunderstood.

1. Other people think they’re intense (and hard to approach).

INFJs are often misunderstood because their personality makes them seem more intense than the average person.

As introverts, they are prone to deep thinking and ongoing internal monologues. As intuitive feelers, they are adept at reading and understanding the emotions of others.

While these things are assets to INFJs, they can make people think they’re unapproachable and far too intense.

2. Other people think they’re too sensitive.

It seems strange that a person can come across as both too intense and too sensitive, yet that’s the exact problem many INFJs face.

Since they’re so tuned into their emotions (and the emotions of others), INFJs often seem too sensitive to other people.

Since they’re sensitive, they’re more likely to share their emotions with people close to them.

Unfortunately, some people read their sensitivity as weakness instead of caring. This leaves INFJs feeling alienated for having feelings beyond their control.

3. Since INFJs need harmony, it can be difficult to figure out what they actually want.

INFJs are all about creating an environment filled with harmony and peace. They want to have positive interpersonal relationships. They also want to see their friends and family succeed, even if their loved one’s success costs them dearly.

Sometimes that means INFJs sacrifice their own wants to see their friends and family get what they want instead.

For example, an INFJ is the type of person who is happy to let their partner pick a restaurant almost every time they go out. Since their top priority is often the happiness of their loved ones, INFJs take more time to figure out exactly what they want.

4. They seem confident when really they’re masking their insecurities.

INFJs are great at looking like they know exactly what they’re doing. With their perceptive skills and intellect, this is often the case. Other people often view them as self-assured and confident individuals. However, many INFJs struggle with massive amounts of doubt.

For example, an INFJ at work will often be the helpful and knowledgeable person everyone goes to for help. Even when they are good at their jobs, though, INFJs have a constant inner struggle.

It’s not uncommon for them to be wondering about their abilities, even while they project confidence.

5. When stressed, INFJs shut people out.

Stress is hard on all the personality types. However, it’s particularly challenging for INFJs, who are more likely to internalize their stress and shut others out when stressors arise.

This can make them appear cold, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

INFJs are empathetic and sensitive individuals who recharge during alone time. That means that when things get to be too much, they need to retreat and recharge. This can make them look cold and detached instead of warm and empathetic.

6. They can be judgmental.

If you’re an INFJ and you’re reading this, you’ve probably just judged that statement. Like it or not, INFJs have a tendency to be more judgmental than other types.

When they make judgments about people and situations, it can cause others to view them negatively.

Here’s the thing: any INFJ will be quick to note that they don’t just judge others. They judge themselves just as harshly as others. Sometimes they even judge themselves more harshly.

While their judgment can add to their mysterious and hardened exterior, it masks their soft interior and leads to misunderstandings with loved ones.

7. They push people away when they’re hurt.

INFJs value honesty and transparency. When they don’t think they’re getting those things, they’re more likely than other types to abandon a relationship altogether. Anyone who has gotten the cold shoulder from an INFJ can tell you just how icy things can get.

While others might write this off as the actions of an intense and uncaring person, the heart behind the action is much different.

When INFJs push people away, they’re doing it out of hurt more than anger. Although their actions may seem cold, they’re still the same warm-hearted people underneath it all.

8. INFJs crave both intimacy and solitude, making them seem warm one week and cold the next.

Individuals with the INFJ personality type tend to crave intense, deep relationships with their closest friends. On one day, they might sit and talk for hours, pouring out their heart and listening to you share yours. Then the next day they may be unwilling to leave their house, even to spend time with you.

One of the greatest paradoxes of the INFJ personality type is the pull between intimacy with others and solitude. As introverts, they need their alone time to recharge. As highly connected and empathetic individuals, they crave time with others.

For obvious reasons, this leads to a lot of misunderstandings between INFJs and the people who love them. It’s important for loved ones to respect an INFJ’s need for alone time, especially after long social interactions. Their seclusion isn’t a sign that they changed their minds about your relationship. It just means they need to recharge.

9. INFJs are often eloquent writers but struggle with speaking in front of others.

INFJs spend their time thinking about their words. This gives them an edge in written and digital communication, where they can write and edit their thoughts before releasing them to the world.

When people meet INFJs in person, they’re sometimes shocked by how different they are from their written words.

In writing, INFJs can be bold, eloquent, and full of life. While they can still have those traits during inperson communication, they struggle a lot more with spoken words.

The spontaneity needed for verbal communication doesn’t always come naturally to them, so they are more likely to pause and think about their words before speaking.

10. INFJs struggle to put their big ideas into action.

INFJs are dreamers who struggle to make their dreams a reality. They tend to be idealistic and principled, coming up with creative solutions for everyday problems. More than anything, they want to change the world and make it a better place for everyone.

Where they struggle, though, is putting their big dreams into action. Since they often struggle to take the first steps toward their ideal reality, few people see the depth and emotion behind their dreams.

For example, an INFJ may have some great ideas for a community project. However, they might keep those ideas to themselves out of fear that their idea will be rejected.

Even when they know they have something significant to offer, they can struggle to insert themselves into important conversations. Without the actions to back up their dreams, most observers don’t see this beautiful part of an INFJ’s personality.