10 Tips on How to Handle Small Talk as an Introvert
Introverts hate small talk. Unfortunately, small talk is often a necessary evil at work and during social gatherings. If you’re looking for more ways to handle small talk, you’ve come to the right place.
The following are our favorite ten tips for handling small talk as an introvert.
1. Don’t overthink it.
Although we know it’s easier said than done, this is an important tip. Introverts often overthink things when it comes to conversation, especially small talk. It’s important to remember that small talk is just that: small. While you shouldn’t lose your thoughtful nature, it’s okay to be a little freer with your words during small talk conversations.
Whenever possible, go with the flow and allow the more extroverted person to steer the conversation. For example, if you’re talking to someone who is talking about their weekend plans, ask follow-up questions about their plans and any related topics.
When you don’t overthink it, you’re more likely to relax and get into a rhythm. If you have small talk with the same people on a regular basis (such as coworkers), you’ll learn what topics they’re interested in and how to keep the conversation going around those topics.
2. Talk about your hobbies.
Even though you probably hate small talk, you probably enjoy talking about your hobbies. If it’s appropriate, find ways to talk about your hobbies during small talk conversations.
For example, small talk at the office is a great time to talk about your hobbies. When a coworker asks you how your weekend was, you can share about how you spent time with your favorite hobby.
Not only will this make small talk more bearable for you, but it will help others learn more about your interests.
3. Go into small talk with a purpose.
Small talk can feel pointless, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you prepare for small talk by thinking about how pointless or frustrating it will be, you’re likely to find yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your mindset going into small talk makes a huge difference.
Instead of thinking about all the reasons you hate small talk, think about the reasons why it’s important. If you’re going out with friends, remember that small talk is the first step in creating space for the deep conversations you love.
If you have to regularly engage in small talk for work, think of reasons why it’s good for your working relationships.
For example, you might remind yourself that engaging in small talk with coworkers is a great way to build a better working relationship.
4. Plan ahead.
I know this seems contrary to point #1 above, but it’s a tip that works well for some people. Make a plan for tackling small talk conversations so you never feel unprepared. While some people do well “winging it,” others prefer to have everything planned in advance.
If you’re preparing for an upcoming social gathering, think about two or three people you want to seek out and talk to during the event. Once you have a few people in mind, come up with a question or two to ask to get the conversation going.
For example, you might seek out your coworker who has a shared interest in hiking. When you approach them and get through the regular pleasantries, ask them if they’ve gone on any interesting hikes lately and see where that conversation goes. Having a plan can help you ease into small talk.
5. Share information about yourself.
This can be hard, especially if you’re a guarded person. However, sharing little details about yourself during small talk is a great way to keep the conversation moving.
Not only will it help you survive the conversation, but it will help people feel like they know something about you.
For example, we talked to one introvert who tells his coworkers about his pet rabbits when they ask questions about his weekend. If they ask about his weekend, he might share about something funny his rabbits did. This lets his coworkers get to know a little more about his life.
As an added bonus, he gets to talk about something he’s passionate about!
6. Allow yourself to be curious.
Introverts are curious people who often fall short of being inquisitive. Instead of just wondering about things, take the extra step to ask questions that help you satisfy your curiosity.
Obviously, we aren’t talking about asking insensitive or inappropriate questions. We’re talking about asking people things you’ve wondered about them during your small talk.
Not only does this help you improve small talk conversations, but it shows people you’re invested in your relationship.
For example, you might ask your coworker how a certain home improvement project turned out. They’ll be happy to talk about something they did, and you won’t have to worry about how to keep the conversation going.
7. Ask lots of questions.
While this has been a theme of several of the tips on this list, it’s important to remember that asking questions is the best way to handle small talk conversations. It’s a great way to turn the spotlight back onto the other person, allowing you to engage without needing to do most of the talking.
You can even plan questions ahead of time to help make sure that your small talk goes well. For example, at a work gathering you might plan questions like “What’s the best thing that happened at work this week?” or “When you aren’t at work, what hobbies do you enjoy?”
Even if people don’t remember the exact conversation they had with you, they’ll remember that you made them feel interesting and seen. While you shouldn’t ask questions in rapid succession, asking plenty of questions is a solid way to handle small talk.
8. Break the ice with a compliment.
Whether you’re trying to start a conversation or looking for something to say during an awkward pause, offering a compliment is a great way to break the ice.
For example, you can compliment something the other person is wearing and ask where they got it. Most people will be happy to get a compliment, making it a great option for easing tension.
Make sure your compliments are sincere, since an insincere compliment can make things tense. There are lots of things you can compliment: the person’s outfit, something they’ve done recently, or something about their personality.
9. If you can, bring a friend along.
Taking a friend somewhere is a great way to help you navigate small talk.
While this won’t work for small talk at work, it can work well for large social gatherings. If you have an extroverted friend, they can help you navigate small talk conversations throughout the event.
We talked to one woman who joked about how she was the “designated extrovert” among her friends. They often relied on her to help navigate small talk at social events. While they still had to engage in small talk, she made it a lot easier for them.
10. Make an escape plan.
It’s okay to approach small talk with an escape plan. While you shouldn’t avoid the conversations altogether (since that would make you look rude), you can cut them a little short.
If there’s a lull in the conversation, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “It was great chatting, but I really need to get going!”
Whether you’re leaving the conversation or exiting the situation altogether, having an escape plan can be an important part of your small talk plan. It will also feel good knowing that there is an end in sight!