How to Overcome INFJ Perfectionism

INFJs (also known as Advocates) are hardworking and idealistic people. While this allows them to achieve their goals, it means that most of them struggle with perfectionism. Perfectionism is the desire to do everything flawlessly. Unfortunately, people who struggle with perfectionism strive for a standard they’ve created that may not be attainable.

For example, if a perfectionist crochets a scarf, they’re likely to notice every place they messed up or judge the choice of yarn or pattern. Meanwhile, everyone else may see a beautifully created piece!

There’s nothing bad about trying to do your best, but perfectionism has an insidious way of distorting your perception. In this guide to overcoming INFJ perfection, we’ll explain why INFJs are so predisposed to perfectionism and provide you with ten tips to overcome it.

Why are INFJs Perfectionists?

INFJs tend to be perfectionists because of their high standards paired with their desire to make a meaningful difference in their world. Their perfectionism tends to have at least one of the following three root causes:

1. Fear of Failure

No one wants to fail, especially at something they care about. However, fear of failure is something that impacts INFJs more than most personality types. They want to succeed in all areas of life and the fear of failure can cause them to grasp onto perfectionism to cope with that fear.

Their ambition drives them to achieve higher and higher levels of success. On its own, ambition isn’t a bad thing. Unfortunately, INFJs cling to perfectionism to explain away their failure. “If I only tried harder, I could have done it,” they might say when an endeavor doesn’t succeed.

While some personality types may struggle to own up to their shortcomings, perfectionists try to pin the blame for all failures on themselves. After all, if their own hard work can ensure their own success, they have the willpower to get it done. That makes failure just one more obstacle to overcome.

2. High Expectations

INFJs are idealistic. While this often influences their interactions with the world around them, it can especially influence their own internal dialogue. Instead of understanding the reasons behind their imperfections, they find themselves frustrated by their own flaws.

For example, an Advocate who does well in school might expect themselves to get perfect grades in every subject. They know their abilities, but see them through the lens of perfectionism. This gives them the unrealistic expectation that every academic challenge can be met and conquered.

Unfortunately, this can send them into a tailspin of perfectionism when they come across a subject that’s more challenging. They expect themselves to just know everything they need to know, leaving them frustrated when their abilities don’t match their high standards.

3. Low Self-Esteem

While low self-esteem may seem like the exact opposite of high personal standards, the two causes of perfectionism often go hand in hand. INFJs expect a lot of themselves. When they don’t see themselves measuring up to those standards, it can lower their self-esteem. Instead of tempering their expectations, it only fuels their perfectionism.

When an Advocate struggles with low self-esteem, they’re more likely to embrace perfectionism as a way out of their poor self-image. They might think something like, “If I achieve [goal], then I’ll be a good person.”

Unfortunately, that finish line is a moving target. When an INFJ’s drive pushes them to new levels of success, their perfectionism will tell them that they need to do more or work harder before they’re worthy of admiration.

10 Tips to Help You Overcome INFJ Perfectionism

Now that we’ve explored the root causes of INFJ perfectionism, we’re ready to walk you through some tips on how you can overcome your perfectionistic tendencies. The following are our favorite ten tips.

1. Know and acknowledge your strengths.

Perfectionism skews your self-perception. The best way to overcome skewed self-perception is by honestly assessing your abilities. Instead of allowing perfectionism to tell you that you aren’t good enough, take inventory of your strengths. You can take inventory by sitting down with a piece of paper and writing down your strengths.

For example, you might include things like “great problem-solving skills” or “hardworking” (two qualities most INFJs possess). It may help to hang this list somewhere you’ll see it to remind yourself of your strengths.

If you aren’t entirely sure where to start, the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment and book may be a great resource. You’ll answer some questions about yourself and the assessment will list your five biggest strengths. Best of all, the book will give you further insight into how you can leverage these gifts!

2. Create reasonable expectations for yourself.

Perfectionism is a problem when you create unreasonable expectations for yourself. When you don’t reach these impossible standards, you’re disappointed in yourself. Creating reasonable expectations for yourself is the best way to counteract this problem.

When planning, take a moment to ask yourself if your goals are even reasonable. If you’re grappling to figure out whether something is realistic, take a moment to research how long something should take or how much effort will need to be spent.

For example, if you’re learning a language, you could do a quick search to find out how long it takes most people to become fluent. Use that as your standard while you use the other tips on this list to deal with your inner critic.

3. Follow your passions.

People are usually passionate about things that they’re good at (or things they’ll eventually get good at because of sustained interest). When you focus on the things you’re passionate about, you’re less likely to obsess over the little things you could have done better.

This doesn’t mean that your hobbies will be perfectionism-free zones. After all, your interest in something often means you know enough about a subject to know when you’re doing it right and when you’re doing it wrong.

The trick is to allow your interest to override the voice in your head telling you all the ways you’re doing it wrong. Whether you follow your passions in recreation only or turn them into a career, these things will help encourage you on your journey as a recovering perfectionist.

4. Make a list of your priorities.

It’s easier to accept imperfections in one area of your life when you can see them within the context of your whole life. For example, having a typo in a text message won’t feel like as much of a failure when you understand that personal communication, while important, isn’t the most important thing in the world.

This also helps when several important things are fighting for attention in your life. We talked to one introvert who said, “When I was in college, my grandpa would always tell me to take care of my health first. ‘You can always retake a failed class,’ he’d say. Even though failing a class seemed like the worst possible outcome, it was comforting to hear that there were more important things.”

Make a list of each of your priorities, from most important to least important. It helps to physically write it down. When you’re struggling with perfectionism in an area of your life, consider where the task or obligation sits on your list of priorities and treat it accordingly.

5. Look at the big picture.

INFJs are particularly good at looking at the big picture, so you’ll feel right at home with this tip. Use your gifts for analyzing patterns to get a big picture overview of your life. When you’re fighting against perfectionism, you tend to focus in on tiny details while missing the bigger picture.

Big picture thinking can help you let go of little details that don’t matter as much. We talked to one introvert who tends to feel paralyzed by small decisions because of his desire to make sure he’s always doing things perfectly. It’s been freeing for him to realize that the shirt he wears that day won’t determine his success or failure in more important areas of his life.

6. Determine whether there’s actually room for improvement.

This goes along with creating reasonable expectations for yourself, although it’s a little different. If you’re looking at something you’ve done and feel your perfectionism coloring your opinion about your success, don’t be afraid to specifically list how you could do better.

Perfectionism thrives when you have a vague sense that you could have “just done better.” For example, it’s easy to let perfectionism win when you look at a project and think you could do better. However, listing the ways you could do better can help you overcome the overwhelming sense that you’re not good enough.

Honest self-evaluation doesn’t have to fuel perfectionism. For example, you might look at a project for work and think, “I should have used this resource for this project instead of the resources I used.” This allows you to make concrete plans for next time, instead of fixating on the vague idea that you should have done better.

7. Pretend the work isn’t yours.

Sometimes the problem you have with your work is that it’s your work. In that case, pretending the work isn’t even your own can be one of the best tools to overcome perfectionism. When you’re looking at something in this way, you’re better able to analyze the success or failure of an endeavor.

We talked to one introvert who found it helpful to think about how she’d evaluate her work if it had been done by a coworker. If she’d consider it good work when done by someone else, she told herself she should think it’s good work when she’s the one who did it.

8. Overcome your fear of failure.

It’s cliché to say, but failure really is an opportunity to learn something new. While failure will probably still sting at first, it’s important to overcome your negative feelings about failure if you’re going to learn everything you can from an experience.

As you start to look at the lessons you can learn from your failure, you’ll find yourself less afraid to take (calculated) risks in the future. Without the fear of failure holding you back, you may find yourself able to reach even higher levels of success.

Instead of focusing on all the ways you messed up, make a list of all the ways you can do better next time. Be as specific as possible while judging yourself in the most gracious and honest way possible. Don’t let a one-time failure paint a false picture of your value as a person.

9. Focus on a small area of your life.

You’re not going to overcome your INFJ perfectionism overnight. If you’re like most INFJs, perfectionism is a battle you’ll fight on and off for the rest of your life. That’s why it’s a good idea to focus on one small area of your life, especially if you don’t have much experience fighting against your perfectionism.

For example, you might pick one small area of your life where you feel comfortable lowering your standards to counteract your perfectionism. This might be a hobby or other low-stakes area of your life.

In her book, How to Keep House While Drowning, KC Davis writes about how her perfectionism around doing laundry was preventing her from getting it done at all. She realized one day that sorting socks and underwear and throwing them into drawers saved her time and didn’t cause unsightly wrinkles. By doing the bare minimum, she was able to get more done and overcome perfectionistic tendencies in one area of her life.

10. Talk to someone you trust.

Talk to someone who will help you gain much-needed perspective about your abilities and how perfectionism is negatively impacting your quality of life. Make sure the friend or mentor you confide in is someone who isn’t feeding your perfectionism, but helping you overcome it.

No matter who you choose to talk to, share your struggles with them and ask them to hold you accountable. Sometimes the external perspective is just what you need to help you figure out your next steps.