20 Tips for Making Your Relationship with an Extrovert Work (When You’re an Introvert)
They say that opposites attract. When introverts and extroverts begin relationships together, that certainly seems true. While your differences can be a huge part of the spark between you, sustaining a long-term relationship as wildly different people can be extraordinarily difficult.
To help you out, we’ve compiled a list of 20 great tips for making relationships between introverts and extroverts work. While there are steps that extroverts will need to take to make the relationship work, this list will focus on what you, as an introvert, can do to make your relationship thrive.
1. Communicate your needs and boundaries.
Many relationship problems can be avoided by simply communicating with your partner. Make sure to communicate your need and boundaries early on so your extroverted partner knows how they can support you.
For example, you might say, “I really need twenty minutes of alone time when I get home from work. After that, I’d be happy to spend time with you.”
Your specific needs may be different, but it’s important to communicate them with your partner. Your partner can’t respect boundaries they don’t know about!
2. Reassure them that your need for alone time isn’t about them.
No matter how much they think they understand you, your extroverted partner may struggle to understand your need for alone time.
Even if you’ve established boundaries and habits that allow you to recharge, it’s important to remind your extroverted partner that your need for alone time isn’t because you are dissatisfied with your relationship.
You could say something like, “Hey, I’m going to go get my introvert time. I love you and want to make sure I can give my best during our time together.” That affirmation will allow them to put their worries to bed while you get much-needed alone time.
3. Clearly communicate your feelings.
Extroverts are often very open with their feelings. They may struggle to understand why you aren’t as free in sharing your own feelings, especially if you’ve been with them for a long time.
Since extroverts are external processors (meaning they work through emotions by talking through them), they sometimes expect you to be the same way.
While you can still work through emotions on your own, sharing those feelings with your partner is necessary for creating a healthy relationship.
4. Open up about your past, struggles, and weaknesses.
Introverts sometimes have a reputation for being closed off to others.
You likely take a lot longer to open up to another person, since building that relationship takes a lot of precious energy. Sharing about yourself is a vital part of building a connection.
Don’t be afraid to share your deepest and most secret thoughts with your partner. Telling them about your past, struggles, and weaknesses is the best way you can communicate your trust in them.
5. Understand their need for social activities.
You will never be an extrovert. However, you should put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their need for social interactions.
Extroverts recharge by spending time with others. Since you have an equally important need to recharge (alone), your extroverted partner will need friends and family to fill some of their social needs.
Social activities will always be very important to them. While you should engage in some of those activities, let them know that it’s okay for them to go out and have fun without you. This doesn’t take away from your relationship, but instead adds to their relationships with friends and family.
6. Don’t judge them for their extroversion.
You may not understand everything about why they are the way they are, but you must respect your partner’s extroversion.
Judging their need to go out and verbally process messy emotions will only cause friction in your relationship.
We talked to one introvert who struggled to adjust to life with his extroverted partner. While he was happy to process his feelings in private settings, she needed to process things by talking about them.
He learned to make space for her extroverted traits, and she learned to respect his need to privately work out his emotions.
7. Take time to say “yes” to things you don’t enjoy.
You can’t be in a relationship and only ever do things your way. Being a good partner means getting out of your comfort zone and doing things your significant other enjoys, too.
While parties and large gatherings might not be your favorite, saying “yes” to these things is a meaningful way to communicate your love.
While it’s certainly okay to say “no” when your partner asks you to go somewhere or do something, make sure that you’re sometimes saying “yes.” After all, when the tables are turned, you want them to occasionally say “yes” to your requests.
8. Let them know when you’re feeling uncomfortable.
Even if your partner knows you get uncomfortable in certain social situations, letting them know you’re uncomfortable is important.
Imagine this: you’ve been at a party for two hours and you feel yourself getting extremely exhausted. Instead of waiting until you’re so tired that you become irritable, let your partner know you’re running out of steam.
Most partners will want to make room for their significant other’s comfort. Even if they can read you pretty well, they may not always know when you’re uncomfortable unless you tell them.
9. Take a break from routines.
Extroverts need more stimulation to feel happy. Since they’re less sensitive to dopamine, they’re more likely to seek out stimulation to fill that deficit. The monotony of daily life can be boring for an extrovert, so taking time for fun is extremely important.
Whether you do something together or make space for you partner to chase their own interests, breaking free from routines is an important part of self-care for an extrovert.
Dating an extrovert means embracing these diversions from the norm.
10. Build traditions together.
Introverts enjoy doing the same things repeatedly and extroverts tend to enjoy trying new things. As a happy medium, create new traditions together as a couple.
Find activities that you can both enjoy. During holidays, find ways to incorporate new traditions into your annual rhythms.
We talked to one introvert/extrovert couple that started going to Waffle House every Christmas. It started one year when their families were delayed for the holiday, so they had Christmas Day alone. After that, it was a fun tradition that reminded them of that first Christmas together.
11. Work together to make decisions.
Don’t leave all the decision-making up to your partner. While introverts are often happy to let someone else make the decisions, your voice matters.
Make sure that you’re both contributing to decisions as a couple. Share your opinion, even when you’re willing to do things your partner’s way.
This applies to dates and vacations, too. Sometimes introverts allow their extroverted partners to make all the plans. Your partner will feel appreciated and loved when you take initiative and plan dates from time to time.
12. Try out your partner’s hobbies.
Spending time together is more fun when you have shared hobbies.
Unless you initially connected over a shared hobby, chances are you haven’t tried all the same things your partner enjoys. Make every effort to invest in your partner’s hobbies with them. You may just find a new passion!
We talked to one couple who enjoyed playing video games together, although it wasn’t always that way. She initially had no interest in playing, but committed to playing together a little each night for a week. After the week was over, she had a new hobby!
13. Make time for your friendships.
Chances are that your extroverted partner will be the one with bigger social needs, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t foster friendships outside of your romantic relationship.
Even though your social energy is limited, spending time with your friends and family is important.
Your family and friends know you and you’ll be glad you spent time with them. Although your partner will be happy to tag along, make space to spend time alone with the people you love.
Those relationships don’t get any less important when you’re in a serious relationship.
14. Be your own person.
It’s okay to be independent, even when you’re in a relationship! Although you’ll do things with your partner, you should have interests and hobbies that don’t revolve around them.
You should always make time to do the things you love. These hobbies will help you recharge and bring your best to every relationship.
Self-care is a necessity. You cannot pour energy into a relationship when you don’t have any energy to give. While it may feel selfish at times, it’s an important part of your overall well-being.
15. Listen to your partner talk.
This one is pretty easy. After all, introverts are great listeners!
Listening to your extroverted partner talk through things is one of the most meaningful things you can do to help them process emotions and work through problems.
While you’re a naturally good listener, it doesn’t hurt to brush up on your listening skills. Make sure you’re actively listening. Ask questions and respond when appropriate. These things will help your extroverted partner feel loved.
16. Invest in shared interests.
Once you find out what you and your partner have in common, take time to invest in those things.
Those shared interests can fuel conversations and keep your romantic spark alive. If you enjoy traveling together, make saving for trips a priority.
It doesn’t matter what interests you share. What matters is that you’re willing to make them a priority. Invest both time and money into your shared interests. If you’re on a tight budget, find inexpensive hobbies to enjoy together.
17. Go on dates together.
Take turns planning dates. Even after you’re in a committed relationship, dates are an important part of fostering that connection. If possible, plan for weekly date nights.
Sometimes work schedules can prevent you from having date nights the same time each week. Find ways to creatively work dates into your weekly routines.
Make space for both of you to go out of your comfort zones. If your partner wants to try going to a club or amusement park for a date, try it out! Then when it’s your turn to plan a date, you can pick something that’s more your speed.
18. Learn your partner’s love language.
The 5 Love Languages is a relationship enrichment book by Gary Chapman. He details five different love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Whether you purchase the book and fill out the assessment inside or find an online test, learning your love languages is a meaningful way to improve your relationship.
For example, we talked to an introvert/extrovert couple who completed the assessment. The introverted partner’s love language was acts of service and the extrovert’s love language was words of affirmation.
With this information, the introverted partner knew he needed to make sure to say kind things to his wife every day for her to feel loved. In turn, she learned about how doing things for him (like taking his car for an oil change) made him feel loved.
19. Celebrate your differences.
Introverts and extroverts are different. Take time to celebrate your differences. You can learn so many things from each other.
As an introvert dating an extrovert, you can learn how to feel less awkward in large social gatherings. You may also learn how to express your emotions and open up to another person.
Instead of pitting your differences against each other, look for ways those differences have added to your lives together. Your differences can help each other in ways you never imagined!
20. Remember why you got together in the first place.
No matter how strong a relationship is, sometimes you have to remind yourself about all the reasons you started dating your partner in the first place.
When your different personalities cause friction in your relationship, consider the reasons you were attracted to your partner in the first place.
Even if some of their extroverted traits get on your nerves (especially after a long day!), remember how those same traits are what sparked your initial attraction. When you think about all the positives, you’re less likely to call it quits over a few negatives.