13 Reasons Why INFJs Have Few or No Friends

The INFJ is a quiet and mysterious idealist with a strong moral compass. Also known as the advocate, the foreseer, the developer, or the counselor, the INFJ is more than just a dreamer— they are a doer.

INFJs are creative and insightful, and they often yield the power of persuasion with their decisive and passionate nature. INFJs have unique personalities and many strengths.

What’s not to love? Well, these introverted, intuitive feelers and judgers tend to have little to no friends—and here’s why.

1. They don’t want a lot of friends.

INFJs are introverts, and while they cherish meaningful friendships, they have little tolerance for people who don’t align with their values. Most INFJs don’t want a large circle of friends, and that’s okay!

However, many INFJs also struggle with feeling lonely due to their small or nonexistent circle of friends.

2. INFJs dislike crowds.

INFJs prefer quality one-on-one time with close friends to a party full of strangers. Usually, INFJs prefer not to go out to bars, clubs, or parties where there are a lot of strangers. These types of outings are usually socially draining, and they tend to lack the meaningful connection that INFJs crave.

Most INFJs recognize that their aversion to social situations prevents them from making new friends. This aversion to social situations also means that INFJs don’t get as many opportunities to exercise their social skills. This results in a lack of social skills that makes it more difficult for the INFJ to make new friends.

3. And they dislike conflict even more.

All relationships involve some degree of conflict and conflict resolution in order to be healthy. Unfortunately, INFJs hate open conflict and will do whatever they can to avoid it—even if that means sacrificing their need for human connection.

4. They are extremely in tune with other people, and that can be draining.

INFJs are intuitive and insightful empaths who excel at reading other people. The problem is that they have a difficult time turning off their hyper-vigilance about others’ emotions, which makes socializing even more draining.

Combined with their fear of conflict, these INFJ qualities can make it difficult to spend time with people who are passive or active communicators.

5. They tend to want to change other people.

Some of the INFJs' greatest qualities are their desire for positive change and forward-thinking attitude—but these great features can be detrimental to their relationships. INFJs can easily spot areas of improvement, and this can manifest as a desire to change or fix other people.

While that might work out in some relationships, it’s not sustainable in the long run.

6. They love giving criticism but hate receiving it.

Naturally, INFJs often share their ideas for change with others. Constructive criticism can be an extremely helpful tool, but INFJs prefer to be on the giving end of feedback and not the receiving end. INFJs tend to be very hard on themselves, and in the face of criticism from others, they become overly sensitive.

Despite wanting to avoid conflict, the INFJ's dual desire to give criticism and shield themselves from it often creates conflict in their relationships.

7. Their expectations are extremely high.

INFJs are constant judgers, and their high expectations apply to everything around them. Their intense perfectionism applies to themselves, others, their relationships, their environment, and everything around them.

Although attention to detail can be a strength, an INFJ’s perfectionism is often their downfall— and it can push friends away.

8. INFJs tend to idealize others, and reality doesn’t live up to their expectations.

INFJs are perfectionists who need everything to be “just right.” When they meet someone, they tend to create an idealized version of that person in their head. But no one can live up to the INFJ’s expectations, which are extremely high and unachievable.

When an INFJ realizes that the people in their life are only human and don’t live up to the idealized version they’ve created in their head, their attitude towards the relationship often turns sour.

9. They’re very careful about who they let into their life.

It can be very difficult for an INFJ to open up and be vulnerable with other people. Because INFJs are very careful about who they let into their life, not many people get the opportunity to be a part of an INFJ’s life.

INFJs are resistant to making friends because they often struggle with trust issues. This is another major contributor to why INFJs have little to no friends.

10. They have a bad habit of intimidating others.

INFJs don’t do it on purpose, but they intimidate others. INFJs are high-achieving, quiet judgers who expect the most of themselves and others all the time. It can be intimidating to work with an INFJ, which means INFJs are not very likely to make friends at work.

This bad habit also spills into the INFJ's relationships. When people feel inferior around INFJs, they tend to create distance.

While INFJs tend to spend a lot of time reflecting on why they have a hard time keeping friends around, they rarely believe it is because others find them intimidating. Usually, an INFJ only realizes this fact when someone else shares this observation.

11. INFJs are rare and often misunderstood by others.

INFJs are the rarest of all 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. Due to their uniqueness, INFJs are often misunderstood by others. INFJs are complex individuals who spend a lot of time thinking about the world around them.

While they appear independent, self-assured, and confident to others, in reality, they are sensitive, insecure, and often in need of meaningful relationships.

12. To an INFJ, socializing is not a priority.

An INFJ’s priorities often align with making the world a better place. They are interested in optimizing life for themselves and others, and their altruistic nature means they invest their time and energy in projects that help people (rather than people themselves).

For a busy INFJ, their social life is the first thing they’ll sacrifice. It usually doesn’t seem as important to them as everything else going on in the world or in their life. Unfortunately, when an INFJ’s friends feel like they’re not important, those friends start to disappear.

13. INFJs are very sensitive.

The INFJ’s sensitivity is one of their greatest strengths and their greatest weaknesses. Sometimes, people feel like they’re walking on eggshells around an INFJ, especially when the iconic INFJ door slam seems to be looming in the distance.

An INFJ’s sensitivity can be another key reason that they struggle to keep friends around. Their emotions can easily get the best of them—even if it doesn’t seem that way to their friends.

Combined with their fear of conflict, the INFJ’s sensitivity is often their downfall because they rarely speak up for their own needs. INFJs may unintentionally sabotage their own relationships by making their friends out to the enemy. Meanwhile, their friends are left in the dark about the INFJ’s needs and boundaries.

Final Thoughts: INFJs Can and Do Have Meaningful Friendships

While it is common for INFJs to struggle with making and keeping friends around, it is not impossible for INFJs to have meaningful friendships.

Whether you’re an INFJ looking to make new friends or a friend hoping to understand an INFJ in your life, know that INFJs are humans who are capable of improving their relationship skills like anyone else.