Why Introverts Struggle to Make New Friends

Making new friends as an introvert is a difficult task. Even for the more socially inclined introverts, the process of making connections with new people can be difficult and straining. The concept of striking up a conversation with someone they don't even know can seem downright terrifying.

What if this new person thinks that they are boring? What if the conversation is uncomfortable? These are all valid concerns for people who prefer more intimate relationships over superficial ones. But there are ways that even the most introverted among us can make friends without feeling like they have no social skills whatsoever.

Being an introvert is certainly not the same as being antisocial or disliking people. It just means that they need more alone time than most people do to recharge their batteries and feel comfortable being around others. The struggle to make new friends is a common problem that nearly all introverts can relate to for a wide variety of reasons.

They Are Sensitive

Introverts have been shown to be more sensitive than extroverts in a few different ways. Firstly, they are more sensitive to stimulation so a loud social event is an automatic turn off for them.

As a result, the opportunities to meet new friends are lessened. Bars, restaurants, and many other loud locations are some of the most popular places to meet new friends. For introverts, these places can only be tolerated for a short period of time.

Their sensitivity to stimulation can impact the way they respond to changes in their environment, which is why introverts tend to dislike social situations that require them to meet new people or try new things.

They Are Selective

When it comes to making friends, introverts are very selective about who they let into their inner circle. Ultimately, they are not necessarily looking for a lot of friends.

Instead, they prefer to have a few close ones. That's why people often see introverts with just one or two good friends and not many casual acquaintances. They choose to invest their time in building the strongest bonds possible rather than focusing on quantity.

Additionally, it's common for introverts to prefer one-on-one conversations over group chats or parties where there are multiple people involved at once. It's easier for introverts to open up and share their thoughts during one-on-one interactions because there aren't any other distractions that could derail the conversation.

They Need Plenty Of Alone Time

Introverts need alone time on a regular and consistent basis. It’s how they recharge and think, and it would be difficult for them to do these things if they had to constantly interact with people.

They may have difficulties balancing their alone time with their social time as one is more comfortable for them than the other.

Having a large amount of alone time means that there is far less time devoted to socializing. Making friends from home is far less successful than it is for those that simply go out.

This increased need for alone time automatically makes connecting with new friends more difficult.

They Desire True Friendships

At the end of the day, introverted people are looking for long-term friendships rooted in depth.

They want friends that they can trust and who understand them, which is challenging to acquire with a large number of people. True friendships take time to build, and introverts ultimately want to invest in people who are worth their time.

Making an instant connection is possible for introverts, but is typically accomplished with a personality similar to theirs.

This means that forming true friendships with people that are more extroverted or outgoing can be a bit more challenging. Automatically, the odds may not be in their favor if the new friend is in fact an extrovert.

They Don't Enjoy Small Talk

Introverts typically do not enjoy small talk purely because it's not often meaningful. When talking about the weather and other trivial topics, there is no getting to know anything about the person.

Introverts are more interested in deeper conversations. They want to get to know new people on a personal level and they want to discover what makes a person tick. Learning about their interests, passions and values are important to them and this is not easily obtained through small talk.

In situations where small talk is inevitable, like meeting new people, introverts can prepare themselves by creating a list of possible questions to ask the new potential friend. 400 Conversation Starters for Friends is a great resource to check out and offers plenty of easy and entertaining questions or comments that can elevate small talk.

Following Through With Plans Can Be Hard

Those that are introverted deal with a clear limit as far as stimulation goes. If a work day is especially challenging or a confrontation occurs, they may hit their threshold far sooner than expected on any given day. Because of this, they deal with the need to cancel on plans regularly. Though this varies from person to person, introverts have a stronger desire to cancel on plans than extroverts do.

The reasoning behind this is that extroverts are able to energize themselves when around others. In contrast, introverts find themselves completely zapped after being out and about. Making plans ahead of time is important to them, as they are considerate and organized, but following through can be truly challenging.

Regularly canceling on plans can make it hard to not only obtain new friends but to keep old friendships. Some people are not able to understand introverts' stimulation threshold and may blame it on flakiness or simply not being a good friend. Because of this, introverts can really struggle with making and maintaining friendships.

They Are Content

Because introverted people enjoy their time alone, they have ample opportunities to think, reflect, and ponder their circumstances. This makes them better equipped to make changes to their life as necessary to achieve a greater sense of peace. They have the time and energy to inwardly reflect and evaluate who they are and what they want out of life.

As a result, they can be more secure than extroverts and do not have the same desire to seek validation elsewhere. Having a large group of friends can feel like a security blanket for many, and introverts simply do not need this level of comfort.

By relishing in their own company, introverts create a sense of contentment just being by themselves or with a few close people around. There is no deep urge to go out and make a host of new friends at any given moment. Ultimately, they are comfortable with their small circle.

Conclusion

There is a lot that introverts can do to improve their social skills and make friends. They need to surround themselves with new people and try new things. It is important, though, that introverts keep in mind their own needs and desires. If seeking new friends is not a priority at that moment, there is no need to give into any pressure to get out there and socialize.