13 Reasons Why INFJs Struggle in Romantic Relationships
INFJs are a fierce personality type defined by their idealism, achievement, perfectionism, and sensitivity. These introverts are hopeless romantics who tend to fall in love easily, but they also struggle to make the first move, flirt and show love once they’re in a relationship.
Because of their unique and rare personality type, INFJs tend to struggle in relationships, but that doesn’t have to be the case.
Your INFJ personality traits can be both strengths and weaknesses in different settings, and you have the power to harness your INFJ energy to improve your relationships.
If you’re an INFJ, these thirteen reasons why INFJs struggle in romantic relationships can help you understand what parts of your personality may be contributing to the issues in your relationship—and set you on the road to improving your relationships.
1. INFJs are resistant to vulnerability.
INFJs tend to take their time opening up to others. While they see many imperfections in themselves that they must correct, others tend to view them as capable, intelligent, and sometimes flawless individuals.
Since INFJs want to keep this act up, they struggle to put down their walls and let others see their imperfections.
2. But they fall in love easily.
Even though INFJs struggle to open up, they tend to fall in love deeply before they truly get to know someone.
These hopeless romantics will often obsess over an idealized future, and that same behavior applies to their romantic relationships.
INFJs tend to idealize their partners. Then, when they learn their flaws or experience conflict in the relationship, it breaks the illusion.
Because INFJs fall in love easily, they often fall in love prematurely.
3. INFJs never make the first move.
It’s not completely impossible for an INFJ to make the first move, but it’s highly unlikely for an INFJ to put themselves out there, especially with a stranger.
Even when an INFJ knows that the other person is into them, they probably still won’t make the first move. Why? It could be their crippling perfectionism coupled with their general resistance to vulnerability.
4. They require value alignment.
INFJs have a strong sense of integrity, which means they’re unlikely to be compatible with someone who doesn’t share their values.
They will leave relationships if they believe the other person’s values do not align with their own. Because INFJs fall in love easily, they often get starry-eyed before they truly know someone’s values.
5. Honesty and authenticity are essential.
INFJs almost always value honesty. Lies, manipulations, and betrayals are especially hurtful to INFJs, who require truthfulness.
If their partner is not 100% honest and authentic, an INFJ is likely to give up on the relationship. And with an INFJ, there are no second chances.
6. Their perfectionism can drive others away.
INFJs are perfectionists. Their compulsion for perfection can be harmful to the INFJ themselves, but it can also push people away.
The INFJs high expectations can make their partners feel like they are never good enough.
In some cases, it’s a misunderstanding. But in others, no one is ever good enough for the INFJ.
7. INFJs often intimidate their partners.
INFJs cannot date people who compare themselves to others because these people will be intimidated by an INFJ.
INFJs are high-achieving idealists who accomplish whatever they set their minds to.
Because of this, an INFJ needs a partner who has a strong sense of self and does not compare themselves to others—or else this problem could erode the relationship.
8. INFJs focus on change.
The INFJ’s obsession over changing the future can drive them to accomplish amazing things, but this aspect of an INFJs personality can also lead their partner to feel like nothing they do is ever good enough.
INFJs always have their minds set on the future, which can lead them to focus on what they want to see change in their romantic relationships as the successes are overshadowed by the failures.
9. INFJs are easily consumed by their current project.
Because INFJs are hardworking individuals dedicated to change, they often put a lot of their energy into their current projects. This often results in burnout as they neglect self-care.
In INFJs romantic relationships, this same situation can result in the INFJ neglecting their partner’s emotional needs. While their mind is filled with thoughts about their current project, they may struggle to show love to their partner.
10. They aren’t big on physical touch.
INFJs rarely initiate physical touch, which is a common love language for others. Typically, INFJs prefer to receive and show love through words of affirmation and quality time.
It’s important to note that not every relationship requires physical touch, and it’s possible for two people to learn each other’s love languages. It’s also possible for an INFJ to find someone with compatible love languages to them.
However, this common aspect of an INFJs personality type can become another source of conflict in their relationships as they struggle to show love in unfamiliar ways.
11. They avoid conflict instead of resolving it.
INFJs are extremely conflict avoidant, which is a key reason why they struggle to maintain their romantic relationships. Instead of addressing problems when they arise, the INFJ tends to allow resentment to fester. Once it builds up, they explode or slam the door.
This personality trait makes it difficult for INFJs to resolve conflict and repair their romantic relationships, regardless of who was in the wrong in the first place.
12. INFJs are sensitive.
INFJs don’t take criticism well, and this trait can become another obstacle to resolving conflict. Instead of using constructive criticism to become a better version of themselves, INFJs tend to take it personally, viewing criticism as harsh insults rather than helpful feedback.
13. INFJs are always serious about their relationships.
INFJs don’t like casual relationships, which is why every relationship they have is serious. Because INFJs require commitment early on, many people shy away from dating INFJs.
While this trait can make it difficult for INFJs to start a romantic relationship, it also serves them by weeding out potential partners who are afraid of commitment.
Who are INFJs compatible with?
Although these many things can make INFJs struggle in their romantic relationships, INFJs can still enjoy meaningful and rewarding relationships with the right people. INFJs are most compatible with the following:
• ENFJs, Givers
• ENTPs, Debaters
• ENFPs, Inspirers
• INTJs, Scientists
Final Thoughts: INFJs may struggle in romantic relationships, but they can still be amazing partners.
Despite these common pitfalls of INFJ dating, INFJs make fiercely loyal and capable partners. If you’re an INFJ who’s set your mind to finding a compatible partner, you know you’ll achieve this goal.
To help you on your journey, consider reading “INFJs in Relationships,” a guide to dating and maintaining lasting romantic relationships written by an INFJ for INFJs.