12 Tips for Making Friends as an Introvert
Introverts like to keep to themselves, and it can be easy for them to witness extroversion and wonder if there’s some secret to making friends easily that they just haven’t cracked yet.
The truth is that extroverts do have an easier time making friends. They love talking and socializing, which are some of the building blocks of relationships. But those aren’t the only things a person needs to cultivate meaningful friendships, and introverts are just as capable of making friends as extroverts.
There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. However, introversion can make it harder to make and keep friends. When socializing is emotionally draining, it can feel like a struggle to hold onto or start friendships. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible.
For introverts who struggle to keep friends, this guide to making friends is essential.
1. Be intentional about who you spend your time with.
Introverts’ social-emotional energy levels are easily drained by others, which is why introverts must be more intentional about who they spend time with.
When an introvert sets a goal to make new friends, they can feel tempted to spread themselves thin in search of new friends. But this strategy almost always ends in disaster.
Introverts thrive with fewer high-quality friends rather than many surface-level friends.
The main issue introverts face is when they’re forced to socialize with others because of a job, living situation, or mutual friend groups. In these moments, an introverts’ best strategy is to be intentional about who they lend their energy to.
They must limit time with people who drain them so they can reserve that energy for their most meaningful connections.
2. Learn when to say “no” to plans.
This advice might seem the antithesis of good advice about how to make friends, but setting clear and healthy boundaries is one of the best things an introvert can do for their relationships.
Knowing when to say “no” to plans requires emotional self-awareness. All relationships can be draining for an introvert, even those with family members or best friends.
Introverts must learn to recognize when they do or don’t have the energy to commit to plans and take time to recharge when they need it.
3. Lean into people who share common interests.
Shared experiences create strong and lasting friendships. When introverts struggle to make friends, finding someone who can socialize in an introverted way could be the key to success.
When introverts seek out and dedicate time to people with similar interests, they have a topic that’s easy to discuss. They can also engage in their shared interest together without needing to talk about it.
4. Finally try that one hobby you’ve been meaning to take up.
A lot of people hold onto a fear of being pushed out of their comfort zone, and for some introverts, that fear can be socializing with new people or trying something new that involves meeting strangers.
For introverts ready to make new friends, trying a new activity can be a game changer.
Consider volunteering or showing up to a community event as a way to make friends. Introverts searching for new friends can also pick up that rock climbing, competitive swimming, or tabletop RPG hobby they’ve been considering.
5. Join an online forum.
Some introverts find it easier to make friends online instead of in person. Introverts can also join an online community to meet new people.
An online forum can open up the possibilities of who you can meet, but not everyone wants to keep a virtual friend forever. For introverts interested in meeting people they can spend time with face to face, there are localized online groups.
6. Seek out mutual friends.
Introverts who already have one or a few great friends but want more can seek out friendships with mutual friends.
A friend of a friend can become a life-long friend to introverts who play their cards right. Introverts who want to use this method can ask themselves if there’s anyone they’ve met who they would enjoy spending more time with. Then, they can reach out to that person and make plans.
7. Be honest about how you feel.
Introverts have a fairly easy time differentiating between people who exhaust them and people who draw them in despite draining them.
When an introvert meets someone who interests them, being upfront about how they see their new acquaintance can be the difference between kindling a life-long friendship and never seeing someone again.
It can be scary to be so vulnerable with a stranger, but telling someone, “I really enjoy your company,” gets easier with practice.
Introverts can also share information about their introverted nature by telling new friends something like, “I struggle with responding to text messages.” Being honest can help introverts keep friends who see their introverted behaviors as signs of disinterest.
8. Start conversations.
For introverts, this simple tip can feel impossible. Starting a conversation with a stranger or acquaintance is a great way to get to know someone.
When it feels difficult, introverts can remind themselves that they’re not committing to anything major—they can end the conversation when needed.
9. Ask interesting questions.
Once an introvert has started a conversation, the next challenge is keeping it going. To do that, creative and interesting questions are a superpower.
Before socializing, an introvert can take time to think of unique or common questions they might want to ask someone.
10. Be realistic and patient.
It takes a lot of time to build a meaningful relationship. For introverts who feel like they just can’t keep friends around, asking themselves why is a powerful question. Do they give up on budding friendships too quickly? Do the friendships fade away before they really get to know each other?
Being realistic about their expectations of others and patient for friendships to develop is a good tip for introverts who have a hard time keeping friends.
11. Read a book.
There are tons of helpful books about relationships out there.
It’s common for introverts to flee relationships at the first sign of conflict, so reading books that teach essential skills like conflict resolution, boundary setting, and healthy communication can prove extremely helpful to introverts who struggle to keep friends.
Need some recommendations? Try The Art of Showing Up or Frentimacy.
12. Talk to a professional.
For some people, therapy is a useful tool. Other people seek coaching support and find that a more helpful tool than therapy.
Either way, introverts can benefit from speaking to a professional about what they’d like to see change in their current relationships.
Getting a second opinion, advice, or guidance from a professional in a welcoming, nonjudgmental space can be an incredibly helpful resource for introverts who struggle to keep friends.
Final Thoughts: Introverts need friends, too
Human beings are social by nature, and even introverts need supportive and trusted friends who they can rely on.
If you’re an introvert struggling to make or keep friends, don’t give up. When you intentionally dedicate your time and energy to the right people, you’ll enjoy meaningful friendships with people who love and adore you for who you are, including your introverted nature!