10 Tips for Living with Roommates if You’re an Introvert

Introverts have an undeniable need for alone time. This can be complicated for introverts who live with other people, whether that’s family members or roommates. Many introverts find themselves struggling to communicate their need for alone time with extroverted roommates.

There was an extroverted woman who was pushing her introverted husband to get out and socialize. “What about Dylan?” she asked, suggesting someone for him to spend time with. “He’s an introvert, and so are you!”

Her husband replied how any of us would: “Honey, that’s not how introverts work.” All too often, advice about living with others comes from extroverts who don’t quite understand how introverts work. Instead of advising you to be more like an extrovert, this article will give you concrete tips on how to make things work when you live with other people.

The following are our favorite ten tips for living with other people… without sacrificing your sanity or forcing yourself to become an extrovert. Let’s jump in!

1. Find the right roommate(s).

Sometimes you can’t pick your roommates. You’re already in a situation where you need to make the best of it for the time being. If that’s you, go on ahead and skip to tip #2. This tip is primarily for people who are looking for a roommate and aren’t already locked into a living situation.

Finding the right roommate will make all the difference in the world when it comes to setting boundaries and living in harmony. While you may be tempted to find another introvert to be your roommate, it’s important to weigh each person’s personality and character before settling on a roommate.

For example, another introverted roommate would at least understand your need for alone time. You wouldn’t have to convince them that it’s a need, which is a major plus. However, they may also be homebodies who prefer a quiet night in. If the space you’re sharing doesn’t allow you to be completely alone with another person there (such as a dorm room or one bedroom apartment), an introvert may not actually be the right choice.

On the flip side, an extrovert may not understand your need for alone time. They may feel like you’re too reclusive or wish you’d go out more. However, they could also be an extrovert with high emotional intelligence, capable of respecting your boundaries. As an added bonus, they may enjoy doing extroverted activities away from your shared space!

Ultimately, you need to get a feel for each potential roommate. Ask them how they would handle your need for alone time. If you can afford to keep searching, wait for the right person before committing to a shared living situation.

2. Let your roommate(s) know that you’re an introvert.

Experts estimate that between 25% and 40% of the population is introverted. The majority of the population should at least be aware that there are both extroverts and introverts, even if they have a few misconceptions about what it means to be an introvert.

Let them know upfront that you’re an introvert, which means you need plenty of time alone to recharge. If you’re sensitive to noise, it’s also important to let them know that loud noises bother you, so you’d prefer to keep things fairly quiet around the house.

Even if you’re already in a living situation with other people, it’s not too late to let them know that you’re introverted and what that means for your living situation. Clearly communicating these things can help prevent further miscommunication down the road.

Make sure you’re having these conversations in a gentle way. Just like you dislike being judged for being an introvert, extroverts won’t appreciate being judged for their personalities. Share the differences between you without using loaded or judgmental language.

3. Create clear boundaries and communicate them with your roommate(s).

Many issues between roommates can be avoided by simply communicating boundaries with each other. The earlier you communicate your boundaries, the more harmonious your living situation. No one, no matter how perceptive, can respect boundaries they don’t know about.

For example, a boundary you have might involve noise after a certain hour. You might tell your roommate that you don’t mind them playing their music loudly in the afternoon and evening, but that you’d prefer them to turn it down around 9 P.M. so you can get some sleep.

While many of these things are standard conversations that roommates of all personality types should have, they’re especially important for introverts. You may want to arrange with your roommate for alone time when you can have the entire apartment to yourself.

We talked to one introvert who had another introvert as a roommate in college. After much trial and error, they figured out that they needed to stagger their time in the room so each one could have time alone. Since one didn’t have afternoon classes, she’d come back to the room for alone time in the afternoon. The other got alone time in the evening while the first one was studying elsewhere.

4. Let your roommate(s) know when you’re uncomfortable.

Even if you live with someone who has a decent understanding of introverts in general and you in particular, you need to continually communicate with them. Sometimes there are things that might normally be okay, but for one reason or another bother you on one particular occasion.

For example, you might not mind when your roommate has people over without consulting you, especially if you each have your own space to retreat. However, you might feel especially drained after a long work week and wish you had a little more quiet time than usual.

Communicate these needs as often as they occur. Sometimes your roommate may not be able to accommodate those needs, especially if it means rearranging plans. However, most people are willing to make occasional sacrifices to maximize their roommate’s comfort.

5. Find ways to be alone.

Privacy and alone time are important for introverts. Those needs don’t go away when they share a space with another person. To make sure your needs for alone time are being met, come up with creative solutions to provide you with the solitude you need.

For example, if you share a space (like a dorm room) where you cannot be alone in a room, set up a room divider to give yourself space to be completely alone. We talked to one introvert who shared an apartment flat with a roommate. The only door inside the apartment was for the bathroom, so sometimes she’d take long bubble baths to make sure she got the alone time she needed!

You may find that carving out the space to be alone may mean leaving the comfort of your home. Whether you go for a hike on a nearby trail or sit in a study room at your local library, these spaces may give you the quiet and solitude you need to recharge.

6. Make concrete plans for alone time.

Find a way to communicate schedules with your roommate(s) so you can plan your alone time accordingly. For example, if you get off work two hours before your roommate, you know you have that much time to be alone.

If your schedules are pretty similar, don’t be afraid to sit down and make plans for alone time. We talked to one introvert who shared that her roommate knows that Sunday afternoons are her time to be completely alone. Her roommate makes sure to either leave the house or stay quiet, since it gives her the solitude she needs.

Don’t be afraid to ask for alone time. If you’re feeling really burnt out, you could ask your roommate if they have any errands to run so you can have the apartment to yourself. They may even be able to fit in a visit with friends (a great recharging activity for extroverts!) while you enjoy alone time at home.

7. Be friendly and kind when you see your roommate(s).

Your need for alone time isn’t an excuse to be rude, no matter how drained you may be. Make sure that you keep your interactions with your roommate as positive as possible. Go out of your way to be friendly and kind to them and any guests they may have over.

This doesn’t mean you have to socialize for hours. But a quick “hello” when you see each other in the morning goes a long way in building a positive relationship between you. Keeping harmony in your home means talking to the person you share it with, even if just in passing.

You can be friendly and maintain your boundaries. For example, when your roommate gets home you might say “hello” and ask them about their day. After you’ve chatted for a few minutes, you can excuse yourself and return to your solitary activities.

When you have the energy, take time to listen to your roommate talk. Since they process things by talking through them, they may want to sit and chat with you about problems they’re dealing with at work or anything else that comes to mind. Fostering a healthy roommate relationship sometimes means going the extra mile to provide for their needs, too.

8. Make sure they don’t think your need for alone time is because you don’t want to be around them.

Extroverts can struggle to understand their introverted roommate’s need for alone time. While extroverts process everything out loud, introverts don’t. Sometimes that means that extroverts perceive their introverted roommate’s silence as a sign that there’s conflict between them.

Even when you and your roommate have gotten into a good rhythm of making sure you have the space you need to recharge, remind them that your need to be alone isn’t about them.

For example, you might say, “I’m not upset, I’m just really tired from work today. We will have to catch up sometime soon, but for right now I just need to be alone to recharge.” Once you’ve had a chance to recharge, let them know you appreciate the opportunity to be alone. Roommate relationships take communication and effort, like any other relationship.

9. Invest in noise-canceling headphones.

No matter how respectful your roommate is about noise, sometimes even the quietest noises can leave you feeling overstimulated. Whether you invest in ear plugs or noise-canceling headphones, find a way to block out the extra noise.

This allows you to create a quiet space, even when your surroundings aren’t necessarily quiet. Whether you use them to block out extra sound while you watch TV or have them on without sound to reduce stimulation, they’re a great investment to make.

If you’re looking for other ways to reduce noise, check out our article about why introverts are so sensitive to noise and how they can block out the noise in their lives. You can read the entire article here.

10. Stretch yourself by doing “extroverted” activities with your roommate(s).

A good roommate will work hard to accommodate the needs and preferences of the person they’re sharing space with. While this article has talked extensively about the need for extroverts to make space for introverted roommates, it’s also important for introverts to stretch themselves for their extroverted roommates.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you should say “yes” every time they want to go out. But this does mean you should make plans to do things outside your comfort zone. If your roommate has been asking you to go out with them, make a plan together about which day you’ll go out. You can plan your recharging time around that interaction and your roommate will appreciate your willingness to go out together.

There may be some occasions when you have to say “no.” However, you can respect your own boundaries while also caring for the needs and wants of your roommate. When you can, say “yes” to their desire to do extroverted things.